• Car Dealer Plus
No Result
View All Result
  • Latest
  • Used Cars
  • Live
  • Forum
  • Power 2020
  • UCA 2020
  • UCA 2021
  • CDX
  • Knowledge
  • Suppliers Guide
  • About Us
  • Latest Issue
  • Top 100
  • CD Plus
  • Latest
  • Used Cars
  • Live
  • Forum
  • Power 2020
  • UCA 2020
  • UCA 2021
  • CDX
  • Knowledge
  • Suppliers Guide
  • About Us
  • Latest Issue
  • Top 100
  • CD Plus
No Result
View All Result

James Baggott: Powered by Fairy Dust? Translation: Driven by ditzy blonde

James Baggott by James Baggott
February 21, 2017
0
Home Baggott

nurburgI’VE been doing a lot of miles lately – mostly on my own – and as much as I love those service station super-heated, tongue dissolving lattes and Marks and Spencer sandwiches (oh, the triple pack of joy), I find my real problem is the boredom.

It always surprises me just how quickly the grey fuzz of nothingness descends over my brain.

This boredom can take a matter of minutes to set in, and when it does I’ll do absolutely anything to stop my brain going into a coma. It usually begins with a little motorway Olympics. First up is the oft tried, but never mastered Attempting To Change Lanes Without Hitting A Cat’s Eye. A lot harder than it seems.

Screen shot 2013-03-06 at 13.05.53

Then there’s the Rep Tandem Sprint, where I tag on to the back of a hateful Vauxhall Insignia, piloted by a shiny suited shower curtain ring rep, and attempt to keep our space equidistant and pace on parity as we flow from lane to lane at 85mph.

The winner is the one who holds their nerve when they spot a battenburg-backed car: Is it Plod? Is it Motorway Maintenance? There’s only one way to find out…

Anyway, this week I’d failed miserably at CLWHACE and had been scared off by an obviously late and unbelievably fearless salesman in an Audi A5 in my second game of RTS. Feeling beaten, my mind wandered off and focused instead on the barnacles and tattoos that so many motorists feel the need to adorn their humble cars with.

You know the sort of thing I mean, the stickers, flags, and badges that tell you more about the owner than you really want to know. I know a sodding dog is for life and not just for Christmas… and who gives out dogs as Christmas presents anyway?

I digress… Well, this got me thinking (which does happen from time to time), that you guys in the trade probably use these moron markers as a rather handy part exchange valuations tool.

The trade guides are all well and good, but they don’t account for these telltale signs of ownership history as well, do they?

Exhibit A, your honour – and the one that should scare you the most – is the ubiquitous ‘Powered by Fairy Dust’ tattoo. Translation? Car driven by ditzy blonde, who’s got make up on the seats that even Helga the Hooverer won’t be able to get out, it’s been reverse parked into seven lampposts, and it’s got no oil in it because aforementioned driver did not realise engines had moving parts.

Baby on Board sticker? Translation – prep costs will need to account for four hours Wotsit DNA removal from the crevices in the back seats, there’s chocolate button smudges on most surfaces which look like a prisoner of war’s dirty protest and it needs a new stereo as the current one has 35 Really Annoying But Incredibly Catchy Kids Songs CD stuck in it.

‘Or there’s the mentalist who’s covered their dashboard in cuddly toys…’

Then there’s the BMW 318d with M badges stuck in the wrong places. Translation: Driver is a complete and utter gentleman’s sausage and doesn’t have the credit or deposit for the Audi S5 he’s asked to test drive. Sell him a used A4 diesel and an S badge instead…

Or there’s the mentalist who’s covered their parcel shelf and dashboard in cuddly toys like some moving padded room. Batty driver will ask you how many cats she can transport in the Fiat Doblo while you wonder how to get the smell of wee out of the seats of her part exchange.

Other barnacles to watch out for include: Countless surfing stickers in a rear window that can only be removed by replacing the glass; those religious fishes (badge of the self-righteous); any aftermarket rear spoiler and/or sewer pipe-sized exhaust; spinners of any description; absolutely anything pink and automotive related; anything with stripes that weren’t factory fitted; Bentley badges on anything made by an American; Nurburgring stickers on people carriers or Smarts; My Other Car is… stickers (badge of the bipolar). The list goes on.

In fact, if you’ve got any I’ve forgotten, tweet me… spotting some new ones might brighten up one of my now rather regular motorway journeys.

Related Posts

Auction fever: We witness the crazy used car prices at auction first hand at franchised car dealer’s online sale
Baggott

Car dealers are preparing for a digital future and we’ll be there supporting with our digital offerings along the way

July 28, 2020
We get inside line on new used car sales website Carzam from Big Motoring world boss Peter Waddell
Baggott

Comment: Buying used cars online won’t be the exception but the norm in the not too distant future

July 8, 2020
The most popular stories on Car Dealer in 2020 – the year our visitor numbers went into orbit
Blog

MOT six-month extension for cars should be cancelled with ‘immediate effect’

June 25, 2020
Comment: Plan now for the business that you want to have
Baggott

Comment: Plan now for the business that you want to have

May 28, 2020
Baggott: I’m so proud of publishing our first digital Car Dealer Magazine
Baggott

Baggott: I’m so proud of publishing our first digital Car Dealer Magazine

May 12, 2020
Consumer savings on new cars remains static at 8.3 per cent
Baggott

Comment: You now have a duty to pay commission in furloughed staff’s wages

April 8, 2020

Want the latest news?

Sign up to Car Dealer's daily news email updates

Subscribe
How many car dealerships does each manufacturer have in the UK? Car Dealerships Locations List 2021 revealed
News

How many car dealerships does each manufacturer have in the UK? Car Dealerships Locations List 2021 revealed

February 24, 2021
Used Car Awards with Mike Brewer and James Baggott graphi
News

Who won what at the Used Car Awards 2020? Mike Brewer reveals our winning car dealers

February 11, 2021
Car Dealer issue 156 front cover and Used Car Awards
Online Magazine

Out now: Car Dealer issue 156 features our Used Car Awards, H.R. Owen CEO Ken Choo and lots more

February 23, 2021
Used Car Awards 2021 logo
Used Car Awards

Used Car Awards 2021 will be back in all their glory on November 29 hosted by Mike Brewer

March 8, 2021
Trophy Cars forecourt
News

Investigation: Meet the hyper-specialist car dealers making their money from weird and wonderful motors

February 11, 2021
Become a Car Dealer Plus member and get more out of this website including free legal advice
News

Become a Car Dealer Plus member and get more out of this website including free legal advice

January 15, 2021
Car Dealer Top 100 – The list in full of the most profitable car dealers in the UK
Car Dealer Top 100

Car Dealer Top 100 – The list in full of the most profitable car dealers in the UK

February 10, 2021
Bitcoin ATM terminal
News

Will car dealers in the UK accept Bitcoin for payment? Dealers speak out after Tesla plans to accept cryptocurrency 

February 18, 2021
  • Latest
  • Used Cars
  • Live
  • Forum
  • Power 2020
  • UCA 2020
  • UCA 2021
  • CDX
  • Knowledge
  • Suppliers Guide
  • About Us
  • Latest Issue
  • Top 100
  • CD Plus
Call us: 020 8125 3880

© 2020 Blackball Media

No Result
View All Result
  • Car Dealer Plus
  • Latest
  • Used Cars
  • Live
  • Forum
  • Power 2020
  • Used Car Awards 2020
  • Used Car Awards 2021
  • CDX
  • Knowledge
  • Suppliers Guide
  • About Us
  • Latest Issue
  • Top 100

© 2020 Blackball Media

Log In
Register
Register
Server 1