It’s time for an eight-year relationship to end. And I need some help cutting the chord. You see I’ve been driving a Lotus Elise around this month and I’ve learned that they’re everything I’d hoped they would be. So I have to have one.

In all seriousness – all cars should be like the Lotus. It was just as good as I’d been hoping it would be.

So, I’ve been hunting for one in all the usual places – Auto Trader, Pistonheads, etc – but I can’t find one that suits. Do I go with the mental R? Or the slightly more subdued S? Who knows, it’s early days yet. But I’ve a bigger problem.

You see, classified ads tell me nothing. At all. Not just private ads (though some of them are pretty ropey) but a few of the trade ads I’ve found are equally shocking. While it’s wonderful to know that you’ll offer me finance on a new car (which I’m sure is very reasonable indeed), I’d quite like to know how many people have owned it. Or maybe state, honestly, whether it’s been parked in a wall at some point in its life. Because when I decide to head up to various bits of country to have a look at one I don’t want to travel for three hours to find out that it’s been fully garaged, apart from a brief spell in a hedge.

‘When looking at a dealer ad I want to know how the car came to them.’

When someone’s searching for something a bit… special (i.e. not a Corsa – which you can, at the time of writing, find 9,158 of on Auto Trader) there’s no need to point out that there’s finance on tap – they know that’s going to be the case anyway. There may be a better way. When looking at a dealer ad I want to know how the car came to them – this may be a shot in the dark, but why not see if the previous owner can pen a few words about it? And, if there are any flaws, point them out. Travelling to see a pup isn’t fun, and do you really want to be ‘those guys’ who mislead people?

Take a moment to empathise with customers (especially those who aren’t just looking for ‘a car’) – they’re looking for their transport for the next few years (or, in my case, decade). I don’t care that it’s a ‘future classic’, I know that. I want to know if it’s knackered. Help a brother out, eh?

Who is Alex Goy?

He’s a motoring journalist with a lot to say. He also produces a brilliant podcast. Check it out by typing bit.ly/alexgoy into a browser